Are you lost in someone else?

"Always stay true to yourself and never let what somebody else says distract you fro your goals."

—Michelle Obama

Love

/lev/

noun

1.an intense feeling of deep affection.

We often here the phrase, "love makes us do crazy things."What do y'all think about that? Some people may think it can cause us to make bad decisions, others may think it can cause them to not focus on what's important or even, loose themselves. Let's drive into Q & A with Kara Dale to see what she has to say on the this subject.

When did you start putting yourself first?

When I realized I was losing myself in a relationship for a guy who didn’t deserve it. I was bending over backwards for him and was taken for granted. Everything was about him and I realized one day that I wasn’t gaining anything I was just doing everything. I never got what I needed so I decided to do it myself, without him or anyone else.

How did you realize you were losing yourself?

There would be certain things I wouldn’t be allowed to do in the relationship, but he could. I became so dull and boring in my eyes that I grew very depressed. I couldn’t hangout with my girlfriends, I couldn’t post certain things on social media, I couldn’t like things on social media, i couldn’t be nice to a male in public because it was taken the wrong way, I just wasn’t able to be the upbeat, outgoing, and loving person that I am. I started to miss who I was and realized it was him who was holding me back from being me.

How long were you two in this relationship?

A couple years.

What happened?

That could be a whole book in itself. It just wasn’t honest and true. Too much manipulation.

Do you know why your ex was controlling?

I think he was controlling because he thought I was doing what he was doing behind my back. Guilty conscious.

Was it hard for you to accept your situation? Why or why not?

It was very hard because I was so in love with him. It’s extremely difficult having to accept the fact that you are capable of loving [someone who would eventually hurt you]. But most of all I was just angry at the fact I let it change me for the worst.

Did you have anyone in your corner who helped you through this difficult time/process?

My friend Kelsey went through the whole relationship with me and had my back the whole time. She's my rock.

What’s the biggest lesson you learned from this time in your life?

I learned who I really am deep down inside. I am proud of that person and I never want to lose sight of her again.

If a young teenage girl or woman came up to you who may experiencing a similar situation what would you say to her?

The sooner you get out the easier it’ll be for you to move on. If you continue to let it go on, and on, and on, it’ll be harder to find yourself again. You deserve to be happy. This isn’t what your life is meant to be. There’s so much more out there for you to experience than what you’re settling for right now.

If you could give the younger Kara some advice, what would you tell her?

Don’t ever let anyone come along and make you feel bad for being you. If someone truly loves you, they’ll help you shine rather than put you so deep down that you lose sight of yourself.

What was or has the healing process been like for you?

Slow. The saying time heals everything is so true. But I eventually hit a point where I knew I didn’t want to go back or have anything to do with him again and everything became easy from that point on. I started believing in relationships again and being able to trust people.

List five qualities you look for in a potential partner.

1. Honesty.

2. Similar perspectives and depths within themselves as I.

3. Faithfulness/trustworthy.

4. Someone who understands and shares my same sense of independence and heart.

5. Someone who looks to excel in every aspect of life - always looking for ways to be better and do better and just be the best version of themselves.

If you find yourself in a similar situation as Kara remember, it's human to want to feel loved. We all need connections and people in our lives to build close relationships with, but don't allow yourself stay lost in the process! Take sometime to focus of yourself! Regain a sense of who YOU are and find your happiness! You deserve it.

--K.T.